People from High school

I left high school without telling anyone when I was 15. I didn’t think anyone would care. People reached out to me but I ignored everyone until eventually everyone forgot me. My eating disorder was starting even though I had thoughts since I was 9. I became slightly isolated due to my eating disorder and if I stayed at school it would have probably killed me. Leaving school and not having to care about judgements and things like that really helped me for a few months after leaving until, even with being away from school, it came back. It kept getting worse and worse. I didn’t see anyone from high school during my worst or any of my bad times during my eating disorder and even now I don’t talk to any of them except one. No one knew I was struggling except my mom because I didn’t talk or see to anyone else. Everyone from high school thinks I’m just some nobody who dropped off the face of the earth for no reason. I should have handled everything differently. When I left school, my mom didn’t know about my eating disorder because it just started, she just knew I was having trouble with judgments, anxiety and insecurities. I should have told my mom about my eating disorder but she didn’t know until it got worse. I should have told people from school, or at least said something to them when they reached out to me. I just want them to know I had a reason to drop off the face of the earth and a reason to ignore them. I was scared to let anyone know. I’ve been in and out of treatment now and still I cannot tell them. Obviously I’ve had to tell multiple people and I know a lot of people know without me even saying anything. I’ve been open about it in groups and to friends with eating disorders, but never the old people in my life who knew me just as it began. I want to open up because it will help me let go because then I won’t need to be ashamed. Maybe someday the people from high school will read this and understand what happened to me. Maybe when they do I will know I don’t need to hide it anymore.

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