I always thought I wanted to be a mother. Me and my graceful little girl walking down the road with my hand delicately into hers. I would think people would look at me the way I look at other beautiful mothers and their daughter. But as I was walking my dog today I realized what is just as beautiful as that. I am 22 and some of my friends are mothers now, but we do not have to put down girls for not having children. Even though I’m 22 I doubt anyone would try to tell me I’m doing something wrong with my life because I haven’t had children yet. But once I get older. In my head, I always believed I was never going to meet someone to marry me. This is a main cause of my eating disorder.But as I was walking my dog I thought of other people looking at me as they drove past and still thinking it is beautiful. It may not be a human child, but I feel people can see the love and delicateness I give off to my puppy. It is just as beautiful to watch me love my dog as much as a human child just like loving and being delicate with a human child itself. It’s also beautiful to be different. When I was younger and on Facebook there was an app thing where people would pick who was prettier or nicer or more generous. Obviously I was obsessed with finding out who i was among everyone. I was known very, very far down the list as the girl who didn’t have a good taste in music, while the girls I was jealous of were at the top. But now I realize that my last boyfriend who said I was too good to be true, who said I was wife material, I maybe finally understand what he meant after he said that very soon after meeting. I’m different from the other girls in many ways. I used to listen to music that people at school thought was stupid because it wasn’t rap or things that were just catchy but didn’t have any beautiful lyrics behind it. I now embrace the things I love because they are what makes me kind of an “old soul” I guess. Another thing I thought of was how I love reading books as of recently. I forgot how much I loved to read until i started again last year. However, in my head, I always remember how much I hated reading as a child. I thought of my love of books, and this beautiful part of my inner self about being different from the popular girls who didn’t like to read. I thought of how I was 16 when I learned my love to read and felt it was fake because I was so old when I learned that about myself. If I really do love books and I’m not just forcing it because I want to be different, then why did it take me 16 years to realize it? It must be fake. I must not have this beautiful old soul. But then, fake or not, it’s a beautiful thought to find books and reading to be beautiful and finding the beauty in the past. Maybe deep down I despise reading (even though I’m pretty sure if I did, I wouldn’t be able to push through that hatred to read all the books I do) but even if I did hate the act of reading, I love the idea of it, and that is something I do truly know about myself, and that opinion itself is different than other girls, and it is something that sets me apart and it is beautiful. So anything and everything about yourself is JUST AS beautiful as anything you want to have or be. You can find a way for it to be. You just have to realize it, no matter how much you believe it or not.