I was looking at two things on instagram. One was a quote from project heal. It said something like, “Make wings out of the things that broke you and rise above the people who hurt you.” This makes we want to draw wings out of the things that hurt me and draw myself flying over the people hurt me. I don’t care anymore what my pictures looks like. I don’t care if it looks like a famous artist drew it or if a toddler drew it. I just want to draw it. Thinking about how much I don’t care makes me excited to draw it. Not just because it won’t lead to self-hate and be exhausting, but because I know for a fact that just because I know I won’t care what it looks like, I know I’ll think it looks good. Plus it will also mean something and be very personal so I’m pretty excited about it too. But mainly, the fact that I don’t care what the end product looks like, makes me excited to just LOOK at the end product. The other thing was someone on instagram who just said something like embracing what your body can do, with a video of her doing yoga. It reminded me that there are so many beautiful things our bodies are used for besides being “thin.” And not just that, but the broken road we walk to make them thin, takes away all the other beauty we can have from our bodies. We can be thin but have no energy to dance. They would just be thin, and thin only. But, if we are kind to our bodies and treat them healthily I can do yoga, and be able to bend my body in beautiful ways, I can dance in move in beautiful ways, I can do WHATEVER I want with my body. Eating disorders take away a freedom we have with our bodies because of the damage we do that causes us physically not being able to do certain things. When I first got to treatment last year I wasn’t even allowed to do minor yoga in yoga group because of how I messed up my body. One place I went to in treatment made us walk around with see-through robes on with nothing underneath every morning in front of everyone. I didn’t want to walk around basically without clothes on but I had to. I know they had a good reason for it but that wasn’t what I wanted to do with my body, but that control was taken from me, because of my eating disorder. I used to try to change by the weight room door so I wouldn’t have to go far or change in the stall and walk as fast as I could to the weight room before someone got in line before me, but it never made it completely better. The eating disorder causes horrible things and takes away so many beautiful things.