“Take pride in your work” this really is true!

I work at a bakery part time and I make doughnuts. I don’t at all care about baking, but I loved the idea of working at night so I could stay with my puppy during the day and he can sleep while I’m working at night. However, a physical job, standing the entire time does not mix welwith something with an eating disorder. Sometimes I don’t know how I get through the night. Then on top of that my back hurts so incredibly bad. My back hurting is the biggest problem. I can fight through feeling weak and sick and stuff but my back is what causes me to want to get out of there and sit down as fast as I can. Now I’m not sure if my eating disorder has to play with this back pain (it probably does though) and tonight I went to work almost 100% pain free. My mom has been helping me eat, and I think that definitely changed things around. I was able to take my time. Again, I don’t care at all about baking, and getting a job baking still doesn’t make me like it a lot, but when you think about it, when i really looked at my finished products, it’s not something everyone else can do. When I first walked in there I couldn’t believe they would hire someone with no experience to make these complicated looking things. But now I know. You can find anything good in anything. I ate, so my back didn’t hurt, (I think that is connected) and I was able to stay in the moment instead of wanting to get done so I could sit down. I looked down and saw something lovely. Something not everyone can do. It got me excited about everything else in the world I can learn and make myself better and better and do things not everyone on the planet can do. In this picture, I messed up this jelly roll. I put too much jelly in it. But I still got excited to try it again next time. To make it better, I am very excited! Then I realized, if it was “perfect” to begin with, then I wouldn’t have anything to get excited about in the future. It would always be the same perfect jelly roll every single day, day after day. Instead of a journey from a cute little messed up jelly roll, to the best one I can possibly make. And guess what!? My little thing that I can do has to do with food! This is the first step to taking control back from my eating disorder. Today I have turned the enemy of food into a way to set myself apart from the rest with a little skill I have. Anyone can make their days enjoyable. You just have to flip your mind. What does your job or your training let you do that others cannot or an experience you have that others may not get? image1-3.JPG

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