(fyi the picture is supposed to say “take me away to this magical PLACE” but for no reason the word place isn’t showing up!) I live in Ohio and lets just say I’m not crazy about it. However it is my home and I get homesick really bad so as soon as I leave I’ll love it here. But I want to move. I want to move somewhere pretty. I want to live near the ocean or be able to take hikes in the forest. I knew I was adamant about getting to of Ohio, but never knew I was this adamant about going somewhere beautiful. I know I think two people from treatment who have moved to nicer places and they are doing amazingly. Maybe that’s all it takes. I’m reading a book called save me. It has whales in it, which I love and think are so peaceful and amazing, and the front of the book looks like a cool place to live. While reading the book I come to love this place more and more, and here’s the best part…that place is real. It’s not out of a fairy tale, and it’s not a myth, it’s just Oregon. I never ever considered Oregon since I have never known anything about there. Literally all I knew was that it’s under Washington and it’s name is Oregon. (since this book I now know the capital is Portland!). Anyway, I gradate in less than a year and I need to go. I need to move to Oregon, or at least someplace like it, since it is so far away, but I really hope that’s the place I end up. On the way home last night I was getting excited. But then I stopped myself. You cannot be excited about the future with an eating disorder. It could kill me, it could take all my money away from treatment or hospital bills. I might not be able to afford it. I might have to take a break from college again for treatment and that definitely will push back my time it takes to get there and that bums me out. Maybe I really need to know that without ed I can get there. I need to know that I will be able to work enough to afford a nice place there. I need to know it’s possible to get myself there someday in the next 5 years. I need to know it’s practical. Honestly, if I knew recovery would definitely get me there, I would go to treatment today.