Dear ed, you make excitement not exist

(fyi the picture is supposed to say “take me away to this magical PLACE” but for no reason the word place isn’t showing up!) I live in Ohio and lets just say I’m not crazy about it. However it is my home and I get homesick really bad so as soon as I leave I’ll love it here. But I want to move. I want to move somewhere pretty. I want to live near the ocean or be able to take hikes in the forest. I knew I was adamant about getting to of Ohio, but never knew I was this adamant about going somewhere beautiful. I know I think two people from treatment who have moved to nicer places and they are doing amazingly. Maybe that’s all it takes. I’m reading a book called save me. It has whales in it, which I love and think are so peaceful and amazing, and the front of the book looks like a cool place to live. While reading the book I come to love this place more and more, and here’s the best part…that place is real. It’s not out of a fairy tale, and it’s not a myth, it’s just Oregon. I never ever considered Oregon since I have never known anything about there. Literally all I knew was that it’s under Washington and it’s name is Oregon. (since this book I now know the capital is Portland!). Anyway, I gradate in less than a year and I need to go. I need to move to Oregon, or at least someplace like it, since it is so far away, but I really hope that’s the place I end up. On the way home last night I was getting excited. But then I stopped myself. You cannot be excited about the future with an eating disorder. It could kill me, it could take all my money away from treatment or hospital bills. I might not be able to afford it. I might have to take a break from college again for treatment and that definitely will push back my time it takes to get there and that bums me out. Maybe I really need to know that without ed I can get there. I need to know that I will be able to work enough to afford a nice place there. I need to know it’s possible to get myself there someday in the next 5 years. I need to know it’s practical. Honestly, if I knew recovery would definitely get me there, I would go to treatment today. recoverytakemeaway


9 thoughts on “Dear ed, you make excitement not exist

  1. It is nice to see you have a goal that is very important to you! Oregon is a pretty state. If this is that important to you, you will do what needs to be done to get healthy. I wish the best for you! It sounds exciting.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been reading some of your past postings when I noticed I commented here. The pic above reminds me of the Kankakee River and Rock Creek 60 miles south of where I live. Both are so peaceful and relaxing to just sit and dip your feet in the cool water!

    If I had to choose a different place to live other than Chicago, I believe it would be either western Nebraska of Montana. No idea as to why. Both are a huge contrast from here and to each other. But hey, why not?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Any Star Trek nut like me would want to go there because on April 5.2063 Zefram Cochrane launched his warp ship the Phoenix just outside of Bozeman.

        I really do need to live a little outside of the Trek Universe!!!

        Liked by 1 person

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