An alternate for “throwback Thursday”

Why has Thursday and Tuesday and body positive stuff become something I am afraid of when I’m in recovery? Eating disorders are NOT just size in any way. I know how it feels to want to post pictures of lowest weights but i never have. I just saw on instagram someone who posted the same picture again of a “throwback” “Transformation.” Now, I’m not saying, she triggered me, omg she should totally take it off and be punished. It’s my own fault. I saw a regular picture suggested on my instagram feed and I just clicked on it even though I knew it would be triggering. (I cannot tell you why I do these things sometimes.) Eating disorders are mental illnesses, so they fact that people believe that just a transformation picture can show everything isn’t fair. I know people who have had things said to them like, “You don’t look like you have an eating disorder,” and those kinds of things make people spiral out of control and can even kill them. And why? Because these pictures are shown over and over and getting into everyones head more and more than eating disorders are only physical. Need awareness week is something I cannot look at unless I’m engaging in behaviors and that is the opposite of what it is meant to be for. I don’t think it would be ok to go to a neda walk and carry around a picture of your lowest weight, yet neda awareness week is full of lowest weight pictures on social media. I know how it feels to want to post my lowest weight pictures, but honestly, it just makes it worse to see everyone else’s when I’m back at my healthy weight, and I’m trying to stop these pictures from being shown, so if I were to post one of those pictures then immediately talk about how I don’t like when others do it, I’d be a the biggest hypocrite in the world and then my words would mean nothing, and I would have no luck with my change. So, why don’t we find alternates to showing how much we struggle? Sometimes I look at things I’ve written on worksheets I was given in treatment when I was so resistant. I found a letter written to my future self just a year ago and it said that I don’t think I’ll be ready for recovery in 5 years, yet, a year later I am now. That shows just as much healing and how far I have come from my biggest struggles as a lowest weight picture does. I actually will probably post that picture of that letter but I’m trying to do homework as well as this (whoops I’m a bad student) so I’ll wait until probably tomorrow. I know I talk about this a lot but it’s really causing a problem with me as I’m sure it is with lots of others. Honestly, today I got so happy. I was so happy with life and I told myself I don’t want to give up this life, so I ate. It was so incredible to be able to do that without help of someone threatening treatment or something, and now, even though it was my own fault for looking at something I knew would be triggering, I hate to admit that I wish I didn’t eat today. what other alternates can you come up with? Anything besides triggering things that show how far you have come? Maybe just writing your feelings and showing them to people since the disease is mental. Maybe talk about happiness then versus now. For me, the only thing I wanted was the eating disorder, and now all I want is everything else. We don’t need to talk about how many calories we consume, but we can still talk about how often we cry because of self-hatred, or how many times we skipped going out in public due to fear of losing control.

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