As I just shared with you I am trying to find a way to show how much we are struggling without saying or showing triggering things. I have decided to look up some of my old treatment papers and show what I wrote when I was resistant to treatment and now, when I am still sick but ready to get better. This not only shows how bad we struggle, but also the hope and fabulousness of getting better!
First I wanted to be a beautiful and now I want to be able to accept everything about myself by changing my thoughts about myself into positive ones.
I now realize that wanting to be liked and accepted led to me being paranoid about people not wanting to be around me which led to me being negative which led to people not wanting to be around me. Now, the way to get people to be happy with being with me while also being happy with myself is to be positive and have others goals in life instead of the eating disorder that leads down a path to more negativity and thus more cans of worms.
This one is self explanatory except the black is today and the red is last year.
AND NOW TO THE LETTER TO FUTURE ME! On 5/31/15 I wrote to myself that I don’t think I’ll be ready for recovery for 1.5 years. Well look at everything I have been talking about now, I am extremely ready, while only a little be hesitant, but definitely, I was so wrong on this one.
“I hope I am happy with myself and am not constantly thinking of my flaws.” I am happy with myself because I have changed my flaws into positives fyi ghost of eating disorders past. And then in order to not add yet another picture to this insane amount of pictures on this post, the last piece I liked said, “I hope I am ready to recovery and not just to escape treatment.” It’s been almost 1 year and I am ready to recover and I am going to treatment strictly to get better, and not to keep my family and treatment team quiet this time. 🙂