My full on positivity related life to share with others won’t work until I gain

Blogging has been able to stop hiding and share that I have anorexia. It has helped me when I get triggered to hope and shine light to people who don’t understand what it is like to struggle with eating disorders and what things to say should be avoided with people. (Even without someone with an eating disorder. Certain normal “harmless” things people say can get an eating disorder to start, so saving certain things to say to people who aren’t struggling at the moment isn’t the answer). It helps me feel like I have a purpose for helping people which makes me have an extra huge reason to find positive things about life for myself. If I get triggered I feel I can talk about it instead of bottling it up, and thus starting to feel like I’m making a difference even if I am not. This blog has gotten me to find a fairy tale aspects in every single thing. In my own life, in order to not judge myself or be jealous of others, and in others in order to not feel sorry for people, cause that hurts others to be pitied. I have more and more things to do with this blog to continue with it helping my life and possibly others but I cannot do it until I gain weight. Like I have said 700 times before, lowest weight, numbers, before and after shots, are very triggering to me when I am in recovery. I am sensitive and they have caused a relapse with me before. I am sick now but I am much happier. I have this idea of taking pictures of my life as if it were a fairy tale that is obvious. Like everyone thinks fairy tales belong with a lover, but I don’t have that at the moment, but i do have my sweet little dog. I wanted to show everyone the positivity in everything in the world by taking pictures of everything people can have but making it look beautiful to everyone so everyone can see that everything has the potential to be completely lovely. HOWEVER, if I did that right now I would be a hypocrite. I am trying to get people to stop posting these lowest weight pictures and things like that but what kind of person would I be if I posted any type of picture of me when I’m sick? This takes away the authenticity of what I’m trying to achieve here with my blog, and then it won’t be as important to me as it is now. It will feel fake, and then someday, looking back at pictures of me posting a fairy tale life when I can see I was in my eating disorder at the time, will trigger me back to that. So, I need to get well in order to spread positivity to myself and others! sooooo you know what this post is really saying right!? This fairy tale doesn’t exist without a healthy weight involved.

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3 thoughts on “My full on positivity related life to share with others won’t work until I gain

  1. Like that old saying — “If you want to see the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain.” Well, you are now pitching the umbrella (treatment) over your head so you can get through the rain (eating disorder) to one day real soon see the rainbow (life) God made for you! Live it and love it! Keep fighting the good fight. I admire your determination.

    Liked by 1 person

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