Full on recovery starts Monday

I had an assessment yesterday and today they have called and told me I am going. They want me tomorrow but I have too many loose ends to tie up before hand. I am very happy I am going to get better! This is VERY different as the last times I have been to treatment, I didn’t want it, at all, and I wasn’t in the mindset of going in there with a smile on my face and trying to be a good influence. This time, I am. This time I am super ready! However, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I need to get a doctors note and then on Saturday or tomorrow I need to go to the bakery and tell them I have to leave and I cannot give them a two week notice. The problem with this is that I am a little nervous as I have never “quit” before, and this isn’t really quitting as it may just be a temporary absence as it was with day care last year. I do not want them to know what is going on, even though I’m sure they know, but I’m terrified to say the words, so I’m just hoping they do not get mad with asking the doctor to just write that I have a medical issue and cannot work there at the moment, which is true as well. But the good news is, is that, it was meant to be, this being the first time really quitting something, because I am ready for it. I am not going to apologize over and over, just because I know it’s not my fault, I have a disease, and I know how ridiculous it will look. I know how much better it will look and how much better I will feel about myself later if I do it with a smile on my face and tell them how much I loved working there and I will not hide behind a text message and a picture message of the doctor’s note. While that might be comfortable in the moment, I will regret my lack of courage later. I’m still a little nervous as much as I hate to admit it. I also need to come to terms with the fact that I will be leaving my dog for possibly 11 hours a day, as I’m not sure anyone will let me do 6 hours a day. I will miss him and feel guilty but I also need to remember that this is temporary and he probably senses something even though he is a dog, and he’s unhappy when I’m sick. My mom will only be gone 9 hours 4 days a week, and while I am still gone 9 hours on the weekends, he will have my mom all weekend, except when she has a life obviously, I cannot ask my mom, who is being amazing through this time, to give up her life for my dog, though I do know she will be giving him a lot of love while I’m gone. I will make it my goal to have no life during the time I am gone 11 hours. This might sound bad but honestly, I need to finish college. I do online college and last year I dropped out because I had like 2 hours at night and I didn’t want to spend it studying. Well this time I will spend it studying, while cuddling my dog of course. Then when i step down to IOP I will have my life back, I will give my dog all of healthy me again, and I will get a job I love and start volunteering and everything will be lovely 🙂

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