I am going to be strong

Nerves and headaches have plagued me all afternoon. I am very nervous because of past experiences. When you go into treatment for an eating disorder you are expected to eat 100% of your meal.This is hard for one main reason. for me, sometimes the thought that I must eat all of this in order to be discharged causes so much anxiety that I lose my appetite completely, and am too full before I have completed.When I have my thoughts under control, I want to complete, but entering the kitchen is sometimes scary with those thoughts. Then, drinking boost if I cannot complete is another story as it tastes horrid to me, and it makes me sick most of the time, or at least feel very very sick. The problem with this all happening in these type of places is that these are things that some people do on purpose, and I admit, I obviously have refused meals at places like this before, but when I say it’s because I feel too full to finish, I am telling the truth, but I do know that some people do not believe me. I am going to let myself be anxious tonight and tomorrow. I am going to sleep off my pain and discomfort and no matter what happens I am going to be strong. It makes it less nerve racking for me to know that I can go in there, drink a boost and feel horrible, but I can do it with a smile which makes it a smidgen better. I can either get upset over this and frown, or I can be strong, the way I want to be. And all that requires in this situation is to just smile, or not break down. even though it is definitely okay to break down, I just want to be strong.


6 thoughts on “I am going to be strong

  1. Stay strong and keep fighting the fullness. Sometimes anxiety tricks us into thinking we are fuller than we actually are. Just try your hardest to keep up with the meal plans and it will be so worth it. Plus, those Ensures are pretty tasty!

    Liked by 1 person

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