The fact that I can find my celebrity twin in my kneecaps

I was able to turn a negetavite day yesterday into a positive one today even though I was scared to do it. I wrote positive things about my day. I arrived and by the first 45 minutes I was already in a very bad mood. But then I realized how being negative didn’t help me yesterday, but I felt like I was stuck in it. Like I had blown my chance of connecting with people here because now I’m bringing everyone down and trying to smile again would just look pathetic. Well I tried it anyway. I participated in games unlike last night where I sat there without talking. I went to check in and talked without being called on which was unheard of from last year. I just remembered how a new staff member said she didn’t know me last year but she said in a positive way that I am participating, and it felt good to hear, I didn’t want to ruin that. I made a risk just for the goal of staying positive. Because of participating, the people who are running the groups feel like they are doing a good job. Today, I have been more out of my thoughts and, in just doing that I feel like I have found my true personality. Normally when I like my personality I tell myself that I am just forcing myself to act like that because that’s how I want to act. But today it felt natural which made me believe it’s true. This is from staying out of my head today.  Then We did a body image activity. We talked about what we liked about our body and what our body does for us. This is where the kneecaps come in! I was trying to find something fun about this so I wrote about something Miley Cyrus said on a talk show. She sees Seth rogans face in her knee caps! Therefore I have something to look forward to in my body since I haven’t done this yet and her kneecaps have changed and evolved from another face. Today is just like yesterday. I do not feel connected to this group of girls yet. But today I participated. I didn’t necessarily try to talk to them one on one like I was doing, but I helped them and myself by using my knowledge in groups and I played games. I’m not going to quit just because I am feeling ignored. I will not sulk either. I am just going to do what I need to do. Luckily it is getting better. And it only got better as I completed meals today and smiled.i also made my first gratitude list of my life and on there was that I found dory!!!! She’s in the picture of the fish tank I swear! My goal for tomorrow is to continue smiling and participating and try to reconnect with the group! FYI yes I do still have trouble with what I love about my body despite this time around my eating disorder was not as much about body image as it was control. 

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2 thoughts on “The fact that I can find my celebrity twin in my kneecaps

  1. I would always dread doing any body image work in treatment. However, I always appreciated the dexterity of my hands (a good thing since I enjoy working cars and trucks). And my cute little toes, too!

    Liked by 1 person

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