Before he walked in and told me I’m going to iop tomorrow 

We had a meal tonight that I have had before 3 weeks ago. They add something to it that I was afraid to eat in front of others that first time. I remember waiting until someone else ate it first. Today, I saw it on the plate and I was so angry and triggered today that I wanted to eat it out of some kind of triumph moment. Like, you said those awful, awful things and I’m not going to trigger you back or be rude. I am going to be strong because I believe now that being strong is incredible and powerful. I wanted to be the first one to eat it. I didn’t get a chance to but I ate it so that everyone could see that my eyes were not full of fear, that they were content. Then a therapist pulled me from the dining room to tell me that insurance dropped me (which I knew was happening I just didn’t know what happened with the appeal) and I start tomorrow! By the time I went back in to dinner, I had already completed. I never knew this was my last chance in php. I didn’t make sure I finished my last meal to prove to my team that I am ready or becuase I was so happy it was the motivation I needed to complete. It was gone and it was because I wanted to be triumphant. I was triggered but I kind of like this being my last moments of php. 

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