(This is something I wrote about going to treatment and everyone saying that the eating disorder is a monstrous liar and the eating disorder getting a taste of his own medicine. Eventually all he knows is how to deprive himself to deal with painful situations, so by not saying horrible things to us, he develops his own eating disorder then the stronger we get, he will die and we will recover. I also have always been scared of sharing poetry and have been writing songs since I was in 6th grade, and have quit for awhile but i’m back to it now and normally I would not share my writing for fear of it not being good enough but I think this situation of me posting this could be a metaphor in this poem. As I am posting this poem of defying the eating disorder, I am defying the insecurity that my ed preys on.)
One step at a time,
You can lose them just lie.
Don’t listen ugly girl, I swear I love you,
Do they all agree I’m a monster?
How the hell could you?
All of them say I’m wrong and horrid,
How would you feel if your bad thoughts are proven?
You cry, but I am abused all round this room,
But all it was, was I, inside of you.
Ok fine, people love you,
It was just me saying awful things,
However YOU can never understand how much I hurt now,
Because now the whole world says I’m nothing.
I need you please don’t go away,
Or Ill use the only thing I know,
And I’ll hurt myself until I am something,
And then my marks will again show.
So I won’t tell you you’re ugly today,
And then I know you’ll miss me,
But remember I thrive on the pain,
So soon you must come back to me.
Ok you caught me, I lied,
I don’t speak for what’s best for you,
But that’s ok you deserve to die,
No matter what people say to you.
But now I have malnourished myself from not drinking your tears,
And have not absorbed love of nourishment from the depths of your mind,
All in the act of saving myself,
But now I am going to die.