Today, how I realized I got over my Depression

As I have been talking about, my self-esteem has been raised by changing my perspective from hating certain things about myself to actually loving them instead of trying to change myself. Obviously, when I was a child I was very different from where I am now, but I was a child who wanted so much. I wanted to be smart, I wanted to be good at something, I wanted to be able to do the splits. I was insecure though, and I believed I would never amount of any of those. However, when I was a teenager my perspective was changed for me. I can’t remember how but somehow I was under the impression from outside sources that in order to be liked by others, I shouldn’t be good at anything. If I am good at something then people will be jealous and I will make no friends. People will think I am funny and laugh with me when I cannot do a math problem etc. However, I was so insecure that as soon as my perspective was changed, I immediately thought I was good at lots of things. And this thought process happened because I wanted to be bad at something, as strange as that sounds. No matter what, I could not like myself. This went on and on until I started changing my perspective this year in a positive direction. However, I still struggled with the lack of interest in things I used to love. When I was young doing the splits was the greatest achievement ever, but I thought you had to be born with that ability, so I never tried hard to learn. Yesterday I started doing yoga again. I want to do the splits and I want to increase my strength. Today I realized that now that I have started yoga and am trying to be able to do the splits and am learning a bunch of new things, I realized that I am my child self again. The puzzle pieces have come back together and now I can be happy. Maybe think of your depression like this. The pieces of the real you, your REAL interests, and not the interests of what others want from you, coming together and fitting into your happiness. Last year in recovery I thought I had this. I was happy with myself and doing yoga and things like that, but there was one big thing that did not fit with my true happiness. This was that I was happy with myself because I was still trying to be someone else. Now I am happy with my true self, and I have my child self again and I can finally fulfill her dreams. Writing that sentence scared me because of how long it’s been since I have thought like her. And I was so insecure that it is not fair for me to never try to fulfill all the healthy dreams she wanted. I realize now how much I didn’t deserve that insecurity, because back then my dreams were healthy and as a teenager and until recently, they have been destructive. I mean, I know that once you are a teenager and an adult you change so much, but I think a lot of things stay the same as well, such as your interests. Maybe try this. Get back to your child self with all his/her dreams and interests, modified for your age of course. You don’t have to give up loving yourself to be true to yourself. You can be true to yourself and then change your perspective of every aspect of your being, and then you will love yourself while also being happy. At least, that’s what happened to me. 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Today, how I realized I got over my Depression

  1. Nice post 🙂

    “…and I have my child self again and I can finally fulfill her dreams.” — I like this! I did a series of four guided imagery sessions in therapy some years ago. It was basically centered on my inner child, Little Lizzy, and how much I was hurting her with the eating disorder. It brought so much to light.

    Splits??? Yikes!!! I never could do that. But I can fold myself in half from a standing position.

    Liked by 1 person

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