Today I did something embarrassing. Today was actually pretty rough. I was around someone who is rude to me and someone who I have gotten in a fight with due to both of our actions. She was rude and saying inappropriate things, and I handled the situation very ineffectively. Basically I am trying to stick up for myself and I have actually been doing well. However, today was a little different. There were many subtle things said to me and I did well at not hiding my emotions, until she said something that really was not fair. I couldn’t think of what to say to stand up for myself and I didn’t want to acknowledge my feelings anymore so I said nothing. Instead I ignored what she said then adjusted myself in my seat and made a very horrible, embarrassing grunt while I did it. I looked over at her and she was smiling to someone, which is my reminder that I should have been as embarrassed as I was about this. However, normally I would talk about my embarrassing situations just because I want to tell people who were not even there all my excuses for this weird thing I did. When I was in high school I had a bad cold and coughed really grossly and made excuses like I did it on purpose as a joke to see everyone’s reaction or something like that. Today, I am just saying that I did what I did, and that’s that. I didn’t do it on purpose. Yes, that horrible noise came from my own mouth. And yes, I am very strong for writing this post. As I was driving home I was thinking about how I have been able to counter my embarrassment lately, and this helped in writing this post. A few months ago I was driving and I had to drive really fast in order to let a semi truck onto the highway. For some reason if I do anything to draw attention to myself on the road, even just driving fast to let a truck on, I get really embarrassed. So, look at anything that has the power to embarrass you, and look at it as ferocity. If something can embarrass you, think of it as an opportunity to handle it with grace and by handling it well, you are fierce and strong. When I drove fast ahead of that truck that day, I didn’t think of myself as drawing attention to myself because obviously I’m doing something wrong or else I wouldn’t be needing to get out of the way, but I thought about how I was able to handle the situation physically and emotionally without getting embarrassed. And now, I’m going to be strong and talk about other embarrassing moments that I have made excuses for. Yes, I do not like admitting that I have ever grunted in my life before, and I hated using that word in this post. I didn’t even write grunt in my first draft. I had to think about it a few times before I decided to be strong and use that accurate word just because of how much I hate if I accidentally grunt and I have no idea why. The word grunt seems too painfully accurate of what completely happened this morning. In the past, I would have said I did it on purpose to see everyones reaction. When I was in high school my face got really red and my voice was shaking because I was doing a presentation. It was such a short presentation and when I mentioned that I was nervous, someone looked at me like I was weird. So I said, “I just didn’t do it right. I thought I was going to fail.” I am ashamed still of how shy I can be, but this is all true…I got extremely scared for a less than five minute presentation. A big one for me was that I used to study and think I understood everything, then I would understand the test and feel great about it, and then I would end up getting a D. So I would tell people who saw my paper that I didn’t even read the book. My young self is probably so excited that one day I can be strong enough to write this for anyone to see. 🙂 So next time you trip and fall, stand up and be proud that you emotionally survived that fall, and walk on feeling fierce and like you’re in an action movie because you are so emotionally strong.