Something in every recovery story

There is always that aspect of a person inside their recovered self that the eating disorder could not provide. Here is a list of all you can be without it:

  1. Fierce- Look at Taylor Swift’s out of the woods video. The way she crawls out of the woods with a look like she’s not going down. She refuses to sit and let it happen. I’ve never viewed someone exactly this way, fighting in this beautiful way. And that is how I started recovery. This ferocity is my recovered self. While you can and are obviously fighting with your eating disorder, many of us mostly let it happen without using skills to help us. If you imagine your eating disorder as you are in the woods trying to crawl out, you would not be able to if you are engaging in behaviors. This type of fighting happens as you enter recovery. I have yet to put into words exactly what I see here. This is my true recovery, finding the beauty in fighting and being strong, but I have yet to put into words exactly what it is I see. I want people to see what I see, and I’m working on putting it all together.
  2. Happy- Putting a smile on your face is something everyone wants to see. People have talked about how they like my optimism. Being optimistic means you are easily able to bring happiness towards others. People will be glad when they flock to you like your happiness will rub off on them, and it will. With your eating disorder, there will be no smile in your eyes, which is the best type, because it means that your real smile is true.
  3. Helpful- I just had this thought. When I have been in treatment, people have given me advice and it has helped me. But I never have had anyone in their eating disorder give me advice. I imagined how it would look for me to give someone advice while in my eating disorder. All I am imagining is my tired, hollow eyes looking at someone giving them a bunch of skills to try, but not actually hearing it or being present while I am saying it to them. When people have helped me in recovery, they have been nourished, with passion like a fire in their eyes. You will be the one with all the knowledge on how to be happy. And obviously, this is amazing for you too.
  4. Silly- If this is your true personality or not. People who are genuinely happy seem to become in a silly mood. I have seen people who are not normally silly, start acting that way with an excuse of “I’m just in a good mood.” Smiling and laughing even though you have suffered is a sign of being fierce. Like I said before, this silliness is not genuine when you are suffering from your eating disorder. You are not fighting until you begin to stop the urges.
  5. Productive- Being an adult. I know, I know. I used to hate thinking of myself as an adult. But then I changed my perspective. Being an adult is pretty fierce. You have to go to work, take care of animals and family. You don’t have much time for yourself but you still do it all. No matter what type of grown up you are, all of us are super man and super woman, because being an adult is hard. It’s even more impressive if you get it all done, and do it with a smile.

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