If we were having coffee

First off, I know this isn’t the weekend but I really want to do this now. If my readers and I were sitting down for coffee I would tell them that I used to speak my mind on my blog. Now, I use it to help people with my journey to positivity. Not that, that is a bad thing at all, but I used to speak my mind. I get triggered easily and many things that people do that are dangerous to other people are gone by without being noticed. I used to talk about that. I would tell you that I need to speak my mind or my eating disorder will try to take me away again. But progress is too much of a dream for me to go back that direction. Yes, I still struggle, but I would tell you that I am so much stronger. While I am stronger, I still fear speaking my mind and I think this is mostly because I have a bigger following than I had before. But I’ll speak something to you now. I would tell you that pro eating disorder talk is like a ghost to me. It haunts me. It’s always in my brain, dormant, until one random day it shoves itself through my thoughts and I begin to crumble. One of the main things that bothered me is that I knew a girl and I followed her instagram. It seemed recovery focused and I wanted to see what she was up to. Soon though, she began struggling and her account turned into pro eating disorder. Now, I have said in the past that my eating disorder was once from weight insecurities and it now only about control. and that is true. I don’t think I’m fat when I’m at a healthy weight, and I do love my body when I am healthy. However, there is another aspect of weight that makes me very triggered by pictures and I know many others are triggered as well. I won’t say what it is because of my fear of being triggering but I will say that it makes me very susceptible to seeing pictures. Anyway, this girl had a story to tell us on instagram. Instead of a quote, or, anything else, she posted a picture of her legs to tell the story. The story had nothing to do with her legs. They were just in the picture to show what they looked like. France has banned pro eating disorder websites and I kind of want to move there. It’s not just pro eating disorder either, its any type of overweight talk. Both of these, at least what I have noticed, are acceptable. Overweight shaming is much less acceptable now but I still hear it to the point where I get extremely angry. Remember what JK Rowling said “I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me” Deleting social media has helped because recovery accounts led to accounts that turned into pro eating disorder and it’s threatening to kill me. Even people I have met in treatment have left and had a pro eating disorder account. If society isn’t going to do anything about this talk, I would think at least a therapist should.


8 thoughts on “If we were having coffee

  1. The whole pro ed thing that some people push is disgusting. I think it is their way of seeking out more attention for themselves. They could not get it in other areas so they use whatever resources available. I more or less did that, too. Not online but just in my attitude and talk.

    Should such sites be banned from the internet? Being a firm believer in the 1st amendment of our constitution I must say no. I uphold anybody’s right to say what they believe is true even when I do not agree with it. I find it makes me stronger when I come across such “triggers” (and they do trigger me to some degree). The only way to avoid seeing it is to avoid it all in the first place. I do not like these sites anymore than the next person. But they are there. Without going into the whole thing of who can and cannot post such things online, we as survivors of eating disorders need to make clear to others the dangers that DO exist out in the online world (without posting names and links). Our strength in recovery comes from God and our willingness to stand firm in that strength.

    Perhaps a warning label on these sites? Kind of like a movie rating? Maybe it can be rated “DA” for dangerous attitude. Because it is a dangerous attitude.

    Keep up the good work and keep telling your story as you see fit to tell it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I actually looked this up and they said that making it illegal would be worse because it would put these sites more underground and they would be harder for people to ban on websites. I’ll continue to respond to the rest of you lovely response but I have to take my dog to day care!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is awful. But that is what it seems to be. I cannot wrap my mind around things like that. Even though at many, many times I did think that way, I now see it for what it really is. I can only hope and pray those who suffer with it will come to see the damage it causes them and others.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. In conclusion, I did think pro ed should be banned until they said that the problem would be made worse. However, I think awareness to the situation is what we need now. So many people don’t know what these things do to people with eating disorders so they go by unnoticed. The more we talk about our feelings towards this situation maybe the more people will steer away from talking in this dangerous way. I like how you said about how we don’t have to say “you can’t say that!” but instead we show how it makes us feel to them and others. Great point and I totally agree.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Awareness can be a powerful tool!

    I would like to bounce an idea off of you about a post I have been considering writing for quite some time. I will email it to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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