Talking bad about myself has left me feeling bad about myself

I desperately warn you. Do not speak bad of yourself. Do not write bad of yourself. I just learned this lesson and it may be of some use to my happiness. I have found something in my physical appearance that I like about myself. However, with my history of insecurity, I always have to obsess to make sure that what I like about myself is actually true. I know how bad this is though. I should just accept what I love about myself but sometimes it is difficult. Well, the thing I like about myself now has gone down the drain. I lost it. I lost this piece of love for myself. Why? Because I thought of something horrible I wrote about myself when I was a teenager. I remember writing in detail many things that I hate about myself and I remember telling people how much I hated certain details about myself to see if they felt the same way. Well, now, it has come back to haunt me. The new thing I like about my physical appearance is basically the opposite of something I wrote about hating. I won’t go into details but basically I wrote that I hated some aspect of my physical appearance. I remembered what I wrote even though I haven’t read it in years. This shows that details of hatred for yourself can really stick to you. More so than just thoughts themselves, because this time you have a document of your thoughts. This thing I wrote is opposite of what I like in myself as of recently. So, I had to let that good aspect of myself go. All because I wrote down my feelings of myself onto paper. If you have urges to write your feelings, I urge you to be a little kinder towards yourself, because as I have just realized, once you grow older, your own words can sound like they are coming from another person and to me, this always makes it worse and makes it sound more true. That thing I wrote about myself seems more true the more time goes on because I don’t remember that exact girl as well as I did.  The negative writings can take away an aspect of self-love you have. Maybe the truth is, is that when I was younger my insecurities clouded my judgement and they weren’t real insecurities. There is also the fact that my appearance has changed in the past almost ten years. Yet, it still looms in my head. I wrote that about myself, now it’s stuck in my head, and it’s taken away my self-love of today. Try, if you please, to speak and think more kindly of yourself, because it may come back to haunt you. As I’m sure some of you know, our insecurities can cause us to think things that are not in any way true. So when you grow older, you may look back and believe something horrible and untrue about yourself.

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2 thoughts on “Talking bad about myself has left me feeling bad about myself

  1. I’m certain you already know this, but don’t let that thing you said you didn’t like about yourself take control. You said you found that thing recently that you liked about yourself – good! It’s so much easier to dwell on our “flaws” (though they aren’t really flaws) than our actual beauties, I know, but don’t let the fact that your mind was trying to bring you down back then bring you down now. You know better, you’ve learned more about why your mind says the things it says. And you know they aren’t always true.

    Liked by 1 person

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