I have fallen down to a wave of depression recently. I must remember though, that depression comes in waves and it doesn’t last forever. To me, depression looks like not being able to feel joy in anything. What is especially upsetting is my hobbies that do not interest me anymore. Throughout my life, my hobbies have been so much to me and when depression started getting bad, I decided not to give up on them. This may sound like a good thing, but it leads me to not being able to do things that I need to do. When I am depressed I spend all of my time doing something I used to love, over and over until I feel joy in it again. This is also from anxiety. I get so anxious that the depression will last forever, that I spend time on my hobbies just to see if I feel anything again. If I don’t, I just keep trying. However, I need to do other things beside this. I need to do laundry, I need to study, I need to go out with friends, not only obsess about enjoying things in the way that I do. Going out with friends and being productive always helps but I never feel I have the motivation when I feel this way. Also, spending time “having fun,” isn’t really all that fun, when fun is just an experiment to see if depression this time will last forever. So I have decided to channel my depression and use it to make me feel good about myself. I am going to stop obsessing over this, and start doing the things I need to do. When I feel this way I want to stay inside and not speak to anyone until I feel joy again, but now I am going to suck it up and go out. I vow to do everything I need to do, and more. This will help me feel stronger. I will be able to tell myself that I can feel so depressed but I am strong enough to get through it and thrive on it. I think I will thrive because it is motivation now, my depression. Everything will feel like climbing up a mountain and this makes it more motivating. I also love this idea because it will make me feel respected as an adult. I used to hate the idea of being an adult. It seemed so boring. But now, being an adult means respect. For this wave of depression I am going to make a list of things I need to do during the times when I would rather not. I am going to continue my longer walks with my dog. I will continue trying my hardest to lucid dream (which I have been trying for awhile but haven’t succeeded and have almost given up). I am going to give my all to school and studies, and I will continue writing and doing yoga every day. My hope is that I will feel empowered and happy just by defying the depression and I will feel respected and strong. Maybe that is the cure for me.
Ps. I can’t believe I forgot the most important part! I’m using this depression as a way of telling me I have more potential. If I stop obsessing on things that I’m never going to pursue, then I need to do other things that will unlock my true potential! Think of your depression like that! It’s getting you to not enjoy old things, in order to try the new!