I had always dreamed of having children and getting married. When I was 15, I began having this fear that seemed all too real. This was the fear that I was so unlovable that I would never find anyone to fall in love with me, we would never get married, and I would never have children. This is still something I still feel today to a much less intense and real degree. Now, I am much better with my mental health even though I am still very insecure, hence still having this fear. But I actually had to find the beauty in growing up with only my animals. I always wanted a husband, children and animals, but in order to not go crazy with my future predicting of my dreams falling apart, I needed to create new dreams and find the beauty in my biggest dream falling apart. Now, I know it sounds bad to accept that I will never find someone to marry me or having children, but it’s also bad to dwell on it. So, I was able to find the beauty in living my life for animals. But there is something that still bothers me and it is judgments. Judgments about being childless. These kinds of judgments, about how your life went wrong because you never had children need to stop. These are kinds of judgments that cause my eating disorder to take over again, because I get too depressed. I just want people to know the beauty I see in not having children, while also telling about the pain I feel from these judgments.
Having only animals for life: I see a savior. The savior of creatures still alive. The savior of creatures that are sometimes all too often abandoned. I see the dog I love getting all the attention he deserves and having more time than I would to be with him. I see nights after work coming home to a dog. When I picture coming home to humans and then coming home to animals, I see the same. I see a beautiful picture.
Judgments are painful. We do not need to look down upon people for not having children. I have found beauty in whichever way my life has gone and I want people to treat me the same and feel happy for me. Happy for me and my animals. I have had negative words said to me by friends my age who have had children and it hurt extremely. But then I asked my friend when her sons first birthday was. She told me and then asked when my dogs second birthday was. It felt like she knows that my dog is my child, and it made my heart soar. I am taking care of something. Something that needs my help and needs me. Instead of asking when I’m having children or when I am going to be in a relationship, ask me about my dog.
Last but not least, I was looking up quotes about why not having children can be okay and I found an article called, “Why your top ten reasons for not having kids are stupid.” This article tears down the beauty people see in their lives. There is a piece of it that says having children is the biggest deal ever. And that we are choosing to get rid of this idea because we want to stay home and watch netflix. This hurts. Because that is not my case. I was insecure to the point where I had to accept something pretty harsh. I found the beauty in not having a family for many reasons. I have kind of given up on trying to find my soul mate because I was insecure. And now that I am more confident, I just don’t go out searching because I have found the beauty in it. People who judge me for being single and possibly always childless will make me more insecure even though I have found the beauty in it. We all have our own opinions but please do not judge, because it hurts and judgments cause so much damage.