Using my favorite therapy skill, “Changing your perspective,” again, I have noticed that I was able to get over a large part of my anxiety by taking away some of its negativity. Anxiety now motivates me and it is possible for everyone. Adventure helps me and this is because I have depression. Going out and living an adventure helps me feel something. It helps me feel the adventure and also helps me feel even more because going on an adventure is hard when you’re either depressed or anxious. But I can’t always just drop everything and go on an adventure can I? But I have anxiety, so I can always, most days, have something to be scared of. So turn this need to go on an adventure into fighting your anxiety. Even when I have depression and can’t feel something, I have moments of feeling anxious until the moment passes and then I go on to feeling nothing. But even in times when I am just anxious without having a pressing need to feel something, I can always use this anxiety adventure to love myself for fighting it. And no matter how I feel, I always love an adventure, so channel your anxiety and turn it into a mountain to climb even if you’re just shaking someone’s hand while looking them in the eyes. The other day something happened that gave me a lot of anxiety and would normally send me into a dwelling state. But instead I decided to find some other thoughts that are true as opposed to the catastrophizing thoughts my dwelling mind gives to me…and the true thoughts are thoughts of my own strength. Surviving the moment gives you strength that you cannot deny, dwelling gives you thoughts that always wander from the facts into fiction of weakness.
This is a large part of the story to being able to find the blueprints to your worthiness. Basically for years I was trapped in the ideal that girls should be weak and dainty. I never wanted to be anything else because no one told me the other way around was worthy too. First of all, “strong is beautiful” is something that is being said to women now and I’m grateful, but it wasn’t said to me when I was younger. Anyway, I started working at a bakery on a side where being strong didn’t really matter. The other side however, the side I never worked, was where the strength was required. Since I was a child, whenever I would lift something I would feel bad about myself afterwards, but it’s human nature to be able to lift. If we were cavemen how would we survive without a little strength? But you don’t just have to look at it like that. What I did was I watched my co-worker lift these things. The way I lifted them the rare times I had to was strained and struggling…the way I thought it should be. Then I saw my co-worker lift these things like it was no big deal whatsoever. Her eyes were unaffected. She’s just lifting and carrying this giant bag to wherever it needs to go. Then I began to get stronger myself and eventually had to work the side where strength was required. I ended up being able to carry large things in one arm. Since I was young I cringed at myself anytime I noticed my physical strength. Now I put a large portion of my consciousness to the muscles in my arms as I carry these things. I let them protrude into my consciousness until I feel their worth. The reason I love being strong now is because of the gracefulness of your muscles tight against whatever you are carrying. The gracefulness of just carrying it without a fuss. The thought of how intense you look with those two things combined. I must also mention that now I believe strong to be worthy, that doesn’t mean the worthiness of being weaker has evaporated from my mind. That ideal was ingrained into my head for probably most of my life. That ideal will not leave my mind nor should it. Someday I’ll get older and I’ll get weaker. I won’t have a choice but to lose my muscle and by the time that day comes I’ll need a strong mind and a strong mind comes from loving yourself no matter what. I know how it feels to be okay with being less than strong, so I will make sure I keep that in my mind as to not judge others who are not the strongest and I ask that everyone else does the same in any other aspect of their self love. Find your worth in whatever it is that you are and keep the worth you always saw in whatever you used to desire. Or if you were born loving a certain aspect of yourself, work on trying to love the opposite even if you don’t desire it as to be sure you don’t judge others. You won’t judge others because you see their worth already and you hold self love for yourself. This gets rid of self loathing that leads to judgements and seeing someone different from yourself that leads to judgements. I believe this to be one of the keys in eradicating judgements. If we all see the worthiness in ourselves and notice that people who hold the opposite aspect are worthy too.
The first one is self as context. This means that you are not truly one thing. You don’t have to mold yourself into what you believe you are or have to be. It makes labels not make sense. Sometimes I am shy, sometimes I am outgoing. I cannot label myself as either one because every moment and every experience calls for something different. (This skill took me awhile to understand, so if I am wrong on this skill, feel free to correct me).
Then I love mindfulness. This one started as boring for me and then turned into something I use almost everyday. This is where you make sure you are aware of your surroundings. This helps immensely with anxiety. You occupy your mind while you tell yourself to look for certain colors around the room. Or you just sit outside looking at nature and make sure you notice and feel every single wonderful thing.
Building mastery. This is when you learn new things in order to gain self-esteem or a sense of accomplishment. This one is obviously self explanatory and if you are learning something new, you are already using this skill. However, this is something you need to keep in mind if you are in a rut and feel you need something to get yourself out.
I talk about changing your perspective all the time in this blog so it’s only appropriate that I share it here. This skill is when you take something you dislike about yourself and then you change it into something positive. This is what I try to do with this blog. Share the wonderfulness that I see in every aspect of all everyone can be. Tall or short? You can love yourself if you are either. It makes sense. Two people who are completely the opposite physically or mentally both have the option to love themselves; both have the capacity to be confident. You cannot look at someone and say with fact, “That person has got to be confident.” Just like you cannot look at someone and also say with fact, “That person has got to be insecure.” There is no universal type of person who is the epitome of confidence. That is saved for someone who is just actually incredibly confident no matter who they are. Every single person on this planet has the power inside of them for self-love. Which means your insecurities are not true. If confidence about some aspect of yourself is not inside of you but is inside of someone else just like you, you can find it too. And every category of person has many people who are confident in that aspect of themselves.
And then there is opposite to emotion. I use this a lot when I cross the street oddly enough. I hate crossing the street at cross walks if there are cars. “What if they wave me on but I can’t see them through the glare in their window and I just stand there awkwardly?” “What if I think they let me go first but then they begin to drive as I start crossing and I have to jump back with embarrassment?” “I’m almost to a cross walk and there’s a car coming. Maybe I should stop and look at my phone and act like I’m too busy to cross the street until that car is gone.” … “No, I better just be strong and cross the street with that car. I’ll feel so much stronger when it’s over.” So yes, I often do cross the street especially when I don’t want to. It’s an incredible feeling, even crossing the street, to defy your fears.
This is obviously very off topic and new for me considering I am not a mother, but I wanted to talk about this. The only time I have actually witnessed mom shaming has been on the internet. I have never seen or heard anyone shaming a mother in public. I know this probably happens, and I know it makes me lucky that I have never had to witness such things. The only mom shaming I have actually witnessed with my own eyes is the occasional doubt of my own mother’s mothering skills. What I mean by this is that in my life, I have heard my mom upset at her parenting skills. Not very often, maybe three times in my whole life, but it’s upsetting. It’s upsetting to see your parents upset for one, but it’s also upsetting to see them upset at their parenting skills. I mean, we are the children and we love our parents. We don’t want them upset. So I see mom shaming on the internet. Specially I have seen Pink being mom shamed on Instagram recently. I am not a mother and I don’t know what really is dangerous for a child. What I do know is that I am the child and I am upset when my mother mom shames herself. How would I feel if I actually heard someone insult her mothering? I would probably be heart broken. Mom shaming is something moms do to other moms when they don’t believe their parents skills are up to par. What is the point of this? I always thought it was because they were worried for the child or cared for this other child. That may be exactly what it is. However, I believe mom shaming to be counter productive and does the exact opposite. If someone were to insult my mothers parenting skills when I was a child, those words would not help me…they would hurt me because they would hurt my mom. Mom shaming is there to try and guilt a mother into changing her ways for the better of the child. It does the opposite. It makes the child sad for the adult that loves and cares for them. So lets stop this mother shaming.
When I was getting ready to go to college I was depressed and didn’t care at all about my future. Now I am so excited for my future that I got depressed about having a major I don’t like, but have channeled my excitement and turned my excitement on my major and found the beauty in it. My major is marketing and I always wanted to do things with animals. I wanted to be a marine biologist and I was going to go to college for that but I ended up being so depressed I literally just clicked a major and went on with my life. I knew nothing of marketing. I didn’t care that I wasn’t interested, because I wasn’t interested in anything. So instead of sulking about my major I decided to channel it. Here are the reasons why I found marketing to be a great major. If you have chosen something you regret, you can find a way to love it.
- The potential to have a job in a “the office” type setting-Being so close to others and being able to have strange work relationships like from the show the office. (Yes this show is actually possible-I have these kinds of relationships at my current job but I’d like it to stay that way in a new job. Plus, in an office setting I’ll be able to enjoy it more because the job I have now is very physically demanding and it makes me too tired to care as much as I could about how funny my co-workers are)
- Being an artist/scientist-I need to be creative to grab people’s attention while finding out what will grab their attention.
- Honestly, I see so much beauty in the business type. Dressing in business clothes, being strong and getting things done. The problem for me is that I’m not the business type. I can only pretend to be the business-type but then I’ll feel like a fraud next to these amazing people. If you are a businessman or woman, you can love yourself so much because of how impressive you are. Going to interviews and working your way up and giving presentations is incredibly hard. Yesterday I almost didn’t apply for a job because they said you need to be ok with presentations. That has always been my worst fear. Well, I thought to myself, “If I want to be as amazing as I view actual business people, I need to apply to this job and fight through my fear of presentations.”
- I also like the idea of a cute little cubicle.
I used to be ashamed of going to therapy like I believe a lot of people are, but now I am so extremely grateful for everything that I have learned. And this is not only because it helped me live a better life and everything therapy does for an individual…but because of going to therapy itself…I love myself for it. When most people think of going to therapy, they don’t think of going to therapy for the experience or think of going about and telling everyone how much they love themselves just for the act of going to therapy rather than the outcome itself. Many people just go to therapy for the outcome, which I obviously understand. But for me I finally found the beauty in the act of going to therapy rather than just the outcome. You can love what your soul became when you emerged from therapy but you can also love that fact that you went even if you aren’t completely cured from your ailments. You don’t have to look at your recovered self in your actions and wish, “I wish I was born this way,” or “I wish I could have gotten well on my own.” You can be okay with needing help and the things you learned along the way. Finding this kind of intelligence about mental health through my treatment and therapy journey has made things so much clearer in my head. I believe that therapy showed me my intelligence. Without being born with mental health struggles, I wouldn’t have wanted to learn about my brain. But I was forced to learn about it when my mental health deteriorated. I feel that I learned so much that I can speak intelligently about my own experiences, how I got well and can now see clearly what I believe is right and wrong. I know a lot about the brain and therapy skills now that I can speak of them with intelligence and say how much it worked because of how far gone I was in my eating disorder and managed to bounce back. Going to therapy I didn’t just learn to begin getting better, I learned like a student how to use my own opinions on the world and be able to express them and add my newfound therapy intelligence to my opinions. So be okay with yourself just for going to therapy every time you enter that room even if you still have negative thoughts every single day. Even if I was still trapped in my brain right now, I would be happy with what I have learned, even if I don’t have a desire to go to school to be a therapist.
Because it was national siblings day, I decided to talk about something I always hated about myself…being an only child. It was rare and everyone seemed so happy with their siblings (even though they fought, I thought that was better than being an only child). But now that I have gotten older, I have found ways to love it. One of them being one of the reasons why I hated it…it is rare. We are a rare breed. I look at people now who are only children in a different way I looked at them when I was younger. I used to think, “finally, someone to share my pain,” but now I think of it as beautifully unique. This thought in itself makes me okay with it all. This also means that the roommates I have had over the years have been like an adventure because I’ve never shared a room with anyone until then. There really should be a national only children day for the only children and a way to speak about the stereotypes. I don’t think this makes you lonely. I think it makes you okay with being alone. I love being alone with just me and my dog, and I believe being without siblings prepared me for this. So are you an only child? You are beautifully unique. Thank you to the other only children posts on the internet that helped me see this.