If we were having coffee

First off, I know this isn’t the weekend but I really want to do this now. If my readers and I were sitting down for coffee I would tell them that I used to speak my mind on my blog. Now, I use it to help people with my journey to positivity. Not that, that is a bad thing at all, but I used to speak my mind. I get triggered easily and many things that people do that are dangerous to other people are gone by without being noticed. I used to talk about that. I would tell you that I need to speak my mind or my eating disorder will try to take me away again. But progress is too much of a dream for me to go back that direction. Yes, I still struggle, but I would tell you that I am so much stronger. While I am stronger, I still fear speaking my mind and I think this is mostly because I have a bigger following than I had before. But I’ll speak something to you now. I would tell you that pro eating disorder talk is like a ghost to me. It haunts me. It’s always in my brain, dormant, until one random day it shoves itself through my thoughts and I begin to crumble. One of the main things that bothered me is that I knew a girl and I followed her instagram. It seemed recovery focused and I wanted to see what she was up to. Soon though, she began struggling and her account turned into pro eating disorder. Now, I have said in the past that my eating disorder was once from weight insecurities and it now only about control. and that is true. I don’t think I’m fat when I’m at a healthy weight, and I do love my body when I am healthy. However, there is another aspect of weight that makes me very triggered by pictures and I know many others are triggered as well. I won’t say what it is because of my fear of being triggering but I will say that it makes me very susceptible to seeing pictures. Anyway, this girl had a story to tell us on instagram. Instead of a quote, or, anything else, she posted a picture of her legs to tell the story. The story had nothing to do with her legs. They were just in the picture to show what they looked like. France has banned pro eating disorder websites and I kind of want to move there. It’s not just pro eating disorder either, its any type of overweight talk. Both of these, at least what I have noticed, are acceptable. Overweight shaming is much less acceptable now but I still hear it to the point where I get extremely angry. Remember what JK Rowling said “I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me” Deleting social media has helped because recovery accounts led to accounts that turned into pro eating disorder and it’s threatening to kill me. Even people I have met in treatment have left and had a pro eating disorder account. If society isn’t going to do anything about this talk, I would think at least a therapist should.